Im at strip club and am horny
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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