im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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