I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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