dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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