we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
