I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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