Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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