Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
