my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
