Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
