checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
