walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
