i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
