Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
