I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
