I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
