remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
