We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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