You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
