You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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