My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
