You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize