I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
