Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
