Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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