just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
