we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
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I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize