I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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