I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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