I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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