Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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