walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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