I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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