My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
