Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
