so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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