Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
