do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
