I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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