Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
