i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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