She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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