is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
