Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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