Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize