I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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