Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're like the curious george of whores
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
