chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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