4 words: hood of his car
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
