my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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