i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
