We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
