why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He passed out mid-signature
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
