Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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