they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
