last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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