you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
