I think scott just propositioned me for sex
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
