That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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