you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
