just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
