So drunk its hurt
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
