apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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