I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
