opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Actions speak louder than pants.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
